My best friend just had a baby. I used to be jealous of her midwife, and her plans for a home birth. But, I can’t do that to her. I can’t be jealous. She had a very traumatic experience: 4 days of labor, and a 10 pound baby boy who wanted to come out elbows first. Now that I have had my own baby, I don’t believe anyone can have the perfect birth. There’s no way your expectations can match what it’s really like to have a baby. I want to be there to give her the support I had, and to be for her the help I wanted.
Her experience brings back so many memories and raw emotions from after Nora was born. We had a really good talk, and a really good cry together last night. It was so good to have her on the phone.
What can I gain from going for a visit? What can she gain, if I can only be there a couple of days? I want to give her confidence. One thing I can say about my doula, our pediatrician and the lactation consultant: I can look back on their words as encouraging and strengthening. Our pediatrician once said, when I was in the middle of heartbreaking breast feeding problems, was “You need to enjoy your baby.” And, I wasn’t. I want to help my friend have time to enjoy your baby. I know she is where I once was, and just maybe I can help her draw that map to joy.